Sometimes, freedom is a moment of being breathless and timeless. Sometimes, freedom is being a part of something and equally apart from something. Freedom is not always at the end of the road or a permanence obtained. Freedom can be a continuous motion in one’s life and gained in bits and pieces. Feeling free can be fleeting but if you are able to stand in its mist you have conquered and you are disappeared!
Last week I was hired to be in a TV commercial and on location I had a ton of time to kill. Most of it was spent under a windmill while the crew shot the Don Quixote scenes. I had this odd moment questioning, what am I doing here in La Mancha, Spain playing a role. The money, the acting, the being part of something larger than myself. Perhaps all, perhaps, none!
There I am covered in paint and looking like Nick Nolte on a crushed powder bender. I am frenetic, angry and I am an playing the artist flailing buckets of paint onto a plexiglass. I am screaming at the top of my lungs as if I am spitting out Pollock’s agony. I am anonymous in the situation, no one knows I am the guy who writes, talks and disappears people. This is the breathless I search for and the timeless I hunt. It is me playing someone else, touching freedom — in mind and physical.
The car ride out of Campo de Criptana was languid, peaceful and occupied by a feeling of letting go. I smiled under the heavy Spanish sun thinking that today, I disappeared with Don Quixote.