CHAPTER FIVE: How to Disappear from Big Brother
Meet Raymond Roth, who attempted to fake his death at Jones Beach New York in the summer of 2012. One afternoon, Ray and his 22-year-old son went to the beach to catch some rays. Not long after arriving, Raymond placed his clothes, wallet (minus his driver’s license), IPhone (wiped clean of all data), glasses, etc., on his towel, went for a dip in the cool waters of the Atlantic, and did not return.
The younger Roth dialed his stepmother and alerted her of his father’s disappearance. He then dialed 911 and set a rescue mission into full force. While that authorities, friends and neighbors searched desperately for Raymond, fearing he had drowned, he was enjoying a drive to his timeshare in sunny Florida.
Do Not Do a Ray Roth!
Prior to disappearing, Raymond emailed his son information on how to contact him after the pseudocide, and, just for the heck of it, threw in some unflattering comments about his wife. If you plan to fake your death, do not send contact information after you are allegedly dead. Dumb!
Unbeknownst to Mrs. Roth, Raymond put their house up for sale, wiped out their bank accounts, and upped his life insurance policy to a half-million bananas. A load of bricks must have hit Raymond when he was a child to commit such stupid acts.
Managing to outdo his own stupidity, Raymond left a note for his son explaining how to handle his will and the sale of the house he owned with his wife. (Just another brilliant move Ray made, involving his son, who quickly folded like a bad hand of cards.)
Let me point out the obvious — you should never walk away from an extremely pissed soon-to-be ex-spouse, nor try to disappear at a timeshare everyone knows about. As soon as his wife, whom he was so clearly devoted to, learned what was going on, she issued a press release and blew Raymond out of the water. Raymond was kind enough to provide us with a lesson in many of the do not’s of disappearing.
Do Not: Involve Your Children – Do Not Raise Your Insurance Policy – Do Not Email – Information About Your Plan – Do Not Leave Notes Behind – Do Not Piss Off A Spouse – Do Not Put Your House Up For Sale – Do Not Disappear To Known Locations
If you plan to fake your death, ask your self are you committing a Ray Roth.