CHAPTER FIFTEEN – How to Disappear from Big Brother
Pseudocide, the stupid act of faking your death. If you are a white-collar criminal and fake your death, the long arm of the law will, catch you and you will be shipped you up the river.
I want you to repeat after me: “I will never fake my death.” If you are running from BIG BROTHER never, make the mistake and assume BIG BROTHER is stupid. The odds and experience are against you. Take the five, ten or fifty million you stole and simply disappear.
Most likely, you have never faked your death before and no doubt, the murder police who arrive to investigate the scene of your demise are not amateurs in the game of death.
Most people who have faked their death committed the stupid act by water. Some feigned drowning and some feigned shark attack. Either way faking a death by water is the most suspicious death of them all. Let me repeat, faking your death by water is the most suspicious death of them all. Compounding this with missing loot from your firm does not take rocket science to figure out what really took place.
The Un-Zen Master of Pseudocide!
Let me introduce to you the Un-Zen Master of pseudocide Samuel Israel III. In a desperate act to avoid prison, Sammy planned his demise on a bridge in upstate New York. On his car windshield, Sammy scribbled, “Suicide is Painless,” a TV show theme song.
Here is Sammy who figured out how to pocket millions of bucks and his great get-away was to write a note on a dirty windshield. Let us be real — only a moron of the umpteenth degree would believe that BIG BROTHER would look at what Sammy scribbled on his car and say, “Let’s go home boys — Sammy leapt to his death.” Wrong!
Sammy and his associate snatched up around $300,000,000 and scribbling on his windshield was one of a few desperate exit plans. I know I keep repeating this but I find it all so shocking. Three hundred big ones and the exit plan were to scribble in dirt. This crooked capitalist had no walk-away plan or go bag. Did he become so smug and complacent that he convinced himself no one would ever know about his deceit?
The problem with Sammy and the rest of the white-collar dumb asses who have committed or are planning to commit massive fraud are only half a criminal. What they do not teach you at Harvard is crime is a like a stock. You search out different stocks, you evaluate the stock, you buy the stock and you sell the stock for profit. In the crime world, you search out the crime you want to commit, you evaluate the crime, you commit the crime and you disappear with the take.
It seems fundamental that when you commit a crime you should have an escape plan. Even the eighty-two IQ stick-up- kid knows to run after he robs a liquor store with cash is in hand.
If I stole three hundred million bad boys, I would stash a smack load of greenbacks in some shitty country and buy myself a diplomatic passport or citizenship at the very least.
If you have the balls to steal millions of bucks, have the balls to bribe a foreign government official for protection. A million bucks goes a long way in a third world country.
Sure, it is not Miami but it beats Leavenworth or La Santé. The bottom line is if you have the corrupt brains to create a massive Ponzi scheme, why not put the same effort into disappearing properly.
Sammy is a “Monday Morning Criminal” — his ship of thievery was Titanic-big, but it was only when his money-boat began to sink, that he scrambled and came up with a hair-brained scheme of escape. By then, all Sammy was doing was patching up a fast sinking ship. Why patch up a sinking ship when you can afford to buy a big bad beautiful yacht and disappear.
When You Steal Think About Tomorrow!
Tomorrow comes quick and BIG BROTHER will come banging on your door while you are sitting in your ivory tower of thievery. Therefore, do not let the shinning of the gold blur the reality of your pending demise. Do not follow the footsteps of your predecessors and imagine that you have a shot in hell at successfully faking your death.
Faking Your Death is Stupid!
At the very least, open an offshore bank about! When you open an offshore bank account, do so in a country that is not on friendly terms with your own country. There is no guarantee that you will actually get to the money or successfully hide the money but a good try is always admirable.
Be Like a Pirate and Bury Treasure!
Even the pirates of the 15th, 16th and 17th centuries knew they had to stash the booty. Buy diamonds, rubies and emeralds and hide them in different parts of the world. Do NOT hide in a safety deposit box. Bury the treasure just like a pirate. Bury your treasure in different countries but do note when you are released you will be a felon. Some countries will not let you into their country so be aware of such issues. Therefore, do a little burying in your home country. Using a fake name buy a piece of land with cash, pay the property taxes for years in advance and bury some stones.
The idea that you will be able to bring your mate along with you when you are on the run is unrealistic. It is quite possible your mate will drop a dime on you for a lighter sentence.
Going on the run with a mate reduces your success dramatically. Whitey Bulger was on the run for sixteen years, the feds put out a bunch of media about Whitey’s woman, and boom busted! However, Whitey was successful because he was an arch- criminal and had a few hundred grand cash on hand if he needed.
Why do criminals who embezzle large amounts of money wait for the whip to come down? Where is the sense in that? The bang on the door is coming and you know it. It is better to leave then wait!
Be in the Wind!
When it is time to go just go and do not create an elaborate exit plan, simply slip into the night like the thief you are.